The call of Nicholas Cage

My name is Nicholas Cage, Im 700 years old, im not died. See the thing is, im the 2nd banana to someone by the name of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHng, whoever that maybe. I have a relatively short story to tell you, and its about creepy pasta. No, not about spooky spaghetti, or freak tortellini, or even a long, slurpy noodle that comes from da sky that can destroy a lot of thing. So just be aware, this is not gonna be pretty. Like me, Or you!... actually you know what your kinda cute.
Anyways I met this one guy name Killer the Jeff, Killer the Jeff was like Jeff the Killer, the only thing is Killer the Jeff is the complete opposite of Jeff the Killer, Killer the Jeff has legs for a face, and arms for legs. What? I know right? So why dont we keep going. He threatened that one day he will put me into a trollpasta. I never expected this. It all started with Bootman bill, Destroying a parked car, then exe.sonic telling me ITS NO USE! WHAT KIND OF DEMON MAKES A SONIC 06 REFERENCE? THAT THINGS A TROLLPASTA IN IT OF ITSELF!
Then
This guy named Michael, who was a fat, 5 year old kid played some demonic sonic game i dont really know, the next thing i knew i was a 2nd banana to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHNG and Killer the Jeff, Im stuck in this world and i cant leave. Halp meh, Oh and by the way, a skeleton just popped out. Good Lord, is he dancing? 2 SpOoPy M8s.
Edit: Dont worry, nothing is wrong here, my names Samantha from Worldbooth Dusintsidsja. Please call our number at IEAGIENBUEANBUAENBUANAUNBAU. You have a fartflous day.